


Never Leave Me Again

by syriala



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Suicide, Eichen | Echo House, Getting Together, Incest, M/M, Mates, Uncle/Nephew Incest, perceived character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-07 19:52:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14088417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/syriala/pseuds/syriala
Summary: But when Peter came across the place where the bond should have been, he found an intact one shining brightly in his mind and that made him freeze for a second, hope blooming up sharp and bright inside him before he remembered his situation.Before he remembered Valack and his eye and whatever he did to him, before he remembered the wolfsbane in his system and before he realized that the bond felt slightly different than before. The hope was overwhelming, but it crashed down on him almost as fast.Derek didn’t survive.





	Never Leave Me Again

**Author's Note:**

> This is for Teen Wolf 'Cest Appreciation Week and I am so excited to finally post this.
> 
> The prompt for day 1 was soulmates/mates.
> 
> [Lavenderlotion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavenderlotion) was kind enough to beta this for me and all remining mistakes are my own!

When Peter woke up it took him barely a second to recognize the ceiling. He had been in Eichen House before, but it was always on the other side of the glass, handing over supernatural creatures that had threatened the pack, and he had heard what happened in here. He was pretty sure he wouldn’t like this side of things.

He tried to remember how he got here, what he did to finally land his ass in a tiny cell, but it came back to him slowly.

He remembered orderlies pushing him around, another person in his cell, but before that was La Iglesia, and fighting Scott and his gang of misfits. And before that….

Peter almost physically recoiled at the memory of Derek lying propped up, blood dripping from his mouth, dying without his werewolf healing and Peter closed his eyes again, forcefully pushing that thought away, trying to ground himself.

He could hear another heartbeat only a few feet away, remembered that it was Valack who was in the cell with him, but he didn’t remember what exactly happened with him. When Peter tried to sit up, he could suddenly feel the wolfsbane course through his body, weakening him enough that he slumped back down almost immediately and provoking a laugh from his cellmate.

“Weak, like a newborn pup,” Valack drawled and Peter tried to give him the finger, but he was too weak to even do that, only proving Valack’s point.

Peter decided to stay on the ground and gather his strength some more, but by doing so, he couldn’t help but remembering the night at La Iglesia.

He had turned away before the life had left Derek, knew it had hurt Derek to see him leave, but Peter couldn’t stand to see yet another member of his family die. Couldn’t bear to watch his _mate_ die and so he had turned away. He had already watched the rest of his family choke on ash and smoke, he didn’t need to see Derek choke on blood on top of that.

He had stumbled into a wall when that particular bond had snapped. Even prepared as he was for it, it had been worse than being burned alive, worse than feeling all his other bonds snap when his family burned to death, but the pain left him almost as soon as it happened, leaving only a gaping hole behind.

And even though something in him shied away from that memory, tried to avoid touching that area in his mind, he knew that this wasn’t pain he could avoid. It was inside of him, and it would never get better. His mate was dead and he would always feel that jarring absence.

So he poked around in his mind, determined to find the place his bond with Derek was missing from, because if he knew one thing, it was how to survive, how to make pain and loss his own and wrap it around him as a defense mechanism.

But when Peter came across the place where the bond should have been, he found an intact one shining brightly in his mind and that made him freeze for a second, hope blooming up sharp and bright inside him before he remembered his situation.

Before he remembered Valack and his eye and whatever he did to him, before he remembered the wolfsbane in his system and before he realized that the bond felt slightly different than before. The hope was overwhelming, but it crashed down on him almost as fast.

Derek didn’t survive.

~*~*~

Apart from the torture and the constant pain from the wolfsbane, Eichen House was rather boring.

There was no change in the routine, nothing to keep him occupied, and that was worse than anything Peter could have imagined.

Valack got to use his eye once on Peter every day, on the dot, and after a while even that barely registered. There was only so much damage the eye could do to him before Peter learned that it wasn’t worth fighting.

This whole set-up left him with too much time to think about his family, drowning in memories of them. It left him too much time to think about Derek, regretting all the missed opportunities where Peter just _didn’t say anything_ , always clinging to the belief that if Derek felt the same he would come to him when he was ready.

But then their family burned, and Peter’s sanity burned right along with them, and Peter went up in flames again before he died, at the hands of his mate of all things, and after that it was simply too late for any kind of chance for them.

Peter tried not to think about how Derek never even brought it up, how he never hinted at feeling the mate bond between them, but it was a lost cause. There was so much time to kill and there were so many thoughts pushing to the forefront of his mind.

He spent days going over every interaction he ever had with Derek, desperately trying to find a hint that Derek had known, that he had cared, and when he realized that he couldn’t remember anything close to that, the sharp pain wasn’t even that surprising.

Talia had told him that Derek would never be for him, that she wouldn’t allow it anyway, no matter if Derek ever realized or not, and so Peter had grown accustomed to that particular pain.

~*~*~

The day Peter realized that he had been present for every death in his family, expect for his mate’s, was the day he spent almost catatonic in the corner.

He had heard how his nephews and nieces heart came to a stuttering stop, how his brothers and sisters clawed at their throats, smoke clogging their lungs and he had heard their screams, abruptly cut off when it became too much. Peter had borne it all, and could remember now how the life had left everyone he loved.

By now he even remembered how he killed Laura, how he tore her apart in anguish and grief, and driven by instinct, how the disbelief and fear was etched forever on her face.

He had been there, had endured it all, only to fail his mate when it mattered the most.

Derek had died with strangers surrounding him, kids who barely knew of life, and a merchant smelling of wolfsbane, simply because Peter couldn’t stand one more death.

It felt a lot like he had failed Derek.

~*~*~

For all his insight into Peter’s mind and memories, Valack never brought up Derek.

It made Peter suspicious, because Valack seemed to take perverse delight in unearthing the most painful memories Peter had, and yet Derek was never among them.

He spent two days ruminating over that but only an off-handed remark of a guard made Peter realize what was happening.

He was hallucinating.

Certain strains of wolfsbane could induce hallucinations and Eichen House would certainly have those. Add in Valack and his knack for mind games and Peter was pretty sure he had his solution right there.

Valack was guiding the hallucinations Peter had, was letting him believe that Derek was still out there, only to see Peter cling to his hope before he would crush that too once he ended the hallucination.

It was the only explanation Peter could think of, given the information he had and he viciously prodded at the bond, trying to snap it, to make it disappear, but nothing was working.

Peter found himself wishing again and again that the bond would go. It was so much easier to get used to pain and the absence of it, than to blend out the constant flicker of hope the bond brought him.

He tried to remind himself that the bond wasn’t real, that Derek wasn’t still out there but his wolf didn’t understand this reasoning. It just saw the bond and kept waiting for his mate to show up, to save them from this hellhole.

Peter wished Valack had left the gaping hole in his mind, instead of giving him _this_. But Peter supposed that was what torture was all about.

He couldn’t deny that it was working.

~*~*~

When Peter started to hallucinate Derek, he figured it might be time to end his life.

Derek was standing in front of his cell, just staring at Peter, and Peter couldn’t help but let his eyes roam over Derek.

Derek looked good, softer than he ever had after the fire, beard long and hair clear of product, soft sweater hugging his shoulders and chest though he didn’t seem as muscular as before.

Peter would have loved to see Derek like that in real life, see him settled and without the past eating away at him, but Derek had died before that had happened. Peter tried to subtly inhale his scent before he remembered that this was just a hallucination and that there was no scent to take in.

Peter tried to turn his eyes away then, didn’t want to give in to this hallucination any more than he already had, but it was Derek, his mate, his everything, and Peter couldn’t take his eyes off him now any more than he could when he had been still alive.

Derek had always captivated him, made sure Peter’s eyes stayed on him just by breathing and Peter had never fought the urge too hard, anyway. It had been the only thing he could have as long as Derek didn’t acknowledge the bond.

Peter found himself wishing that he had pushed for more, pushed Derek into opening up to the bond, just so that he would have some happier memories now, but it was a lost cause wishing for things to be different.

Derek stared at him for long minutes, and Peter wondered what this was supposed to accomplish, why his brain would make him hallucinate this, before Derek turned away and left without a word.

Peter couldn’t breathe, couldn’t _think_ when he realized that his brain had conjured up and reversed the last moments he had spent with Derek. Peter had walked away from his dying mate without a word just like Derek had walked away now, and this was probably what he deserved. He suspected more than just simple punishment from his brain and when he went to bed that night and dreamt over and over again about a Derek who turned away from him, Peter knew what he had to do.

He had never intended to live in a world where his mate was dead anyway.

~*~*~

Coming to the conclusion to kill himself and finding a way to do it in an environment that was as tightly controlled as it was in Eichen were two very different things.

Peter had made his peace with his decision as soon as he woke up, and every waking hour after that was spent planning.

There was nothing in his cell that would be of use, especially now that they removed Valack, and Peter was stumped for an answer until he got lunch.

He knew that they put wolfsbane into every meal he got, it was the only explanation why he felt so weak when they didn’t continuously shot him up with wolfsbane, and it was his way out.

The dosage wasn’t enough to kill him, just enough to keep him weak and docile, but Peter figured that he could overdose anyway. He would just have to stop eating for two or three days and then ingest everything at once. That way, enough wolfsbane should make it into his system to kill him.

It briefly occurred to Peter that he could regain enough strength to break out if he stopped eating, but it was a fleeting thought. As soon as he touched the _badwrongstrange_ mate bond in his mind he pushed that thought away.

He didn’t fancy getting out of this hell, just to go searching for Derek’s grave.

So Peter pretended to eat, continued to act like he was weak, while he hid the food in his cot and gave empty plates back to the orderlies. He didn’t eat for two and a half days and when he got his dinner on the third, he decided that it was time.

He was stronger than he had been in a long time, mind finally clear again, but the bond was still occupying space that should be empty, still felt wrong and changed. Peter hadn’t hallucinated again, and he took it as his subconscious approving of his plan.

Eating this much after his time of fasting was more difficult than Peter would have thought, but he forced it all down. He couldn’t afford to not get all the wolfsbane in his system, not if there was a chance that he would survive.

In the end he managed it, though he had to stop a few times, so he could swallow his nausea down.

The wolfsbane worked fast, flooding his system, burning through his veins and when he almost toppled over, he laid down on the cot, closing his eyes and just waiting for it to be over.

His eyes snapped open when the alarms started to go off. Surely his death wasn’t important enough to warrant this kind of reaction. When no one came rushing in after a minute, Peter closed his eyes again. Whatever was happening had nothing to do with him, and it would only give the wolfsbane more time to kill him before the night shift did their rounds.

When something crashed close by, Peter was dimly aware that it should have startled him, that he should open his eyes and at least check out what was happening, but everything was already so heavy, and Peter decided that it wasn’t important. It would be over soon.

“Peter?” Derek asked and Peter cursed his brain for giving him this last hallucination.

He struggled to get his eyes open, but the need to chase this hallucination away, to prove to himself that this was nothing _but_  a hallucination, was stronger. He needed a few seconds to focus his eyes, but when he did he wished he had given in and done nothing.

Derek was there, in his cell, staring down at Peter and Peter couldn’t help but laugh. Of course he would conjure up a more realistic Derek than before, now of all times, and Peter would have lashed out at this Derek, just to prove that he wasn’t real, if only he had the strength and coordination left to do so.

But laughing was all he could do, and so he did.

“Peter, we need to get out of here, I don’t know how long Stiles can keep them occupied,” Derek snapped, voice urgent and Peter tried to frown.

Why would Stiles be involved in his hallucination?

“You’re dead,” Peter managed with some difficulties, and he saw Derek go pale.

“I’m not dead, Peter,” he whispered and Peter sighed.

“You’re dead,” Peter said again. “Why won’t you let me be the same?”

Something like alarm flashed over Derek’s face and suddenly there were hands on Peter’s shoulders.

“What did you do?” Derek urgently asked him, adding in a little shake but Peter couldn’t comprehend what was happening anymore.

He could not only see and hear Derek, but he could also smell and feel him, and it shouldn’t be possible, Derek died, the bond was all wrong, _this shouldn’t be possible_.

“You’re gone,” Peter muttered trying to get his hand to move so he could touch Derek, could grab his wrist and hold on, never letting go again, but his limbs were too heavy, the pain too much for him.

“I came back,” Derek gave back and then just dragged Peter upright, and propped him up into a standing position.

“And I didn’t come back so you could die on me, again,” he decisively said and started to make his way out of the cell.

Peter tried to take in what was happening around him, but staying focused was becoming harder and harder, and Derek was so warm against him, his heartbeat steady and strong, and it was the only thing Peter could keep track of.

A soothing rumble joined the warmth and the heartbeat and Peter distantly thought that maybe Derek was talking to someone, but trying to make sense of the words was too difficult, so Peter just let the cadence wash over him.

Peter kept losing time, only getting flashes of hallways and tunnels and then the jeep before he stared up at a ceiling, soft bed underneath him.

He felt better, strong and in control, and he couldn’t quite understand what happened to him.

He should be dead, for good this time, with no fail safe in place, but instead he was alive, feeling better than before, and Derek’s heartbeat still in his ear.

Peter slowly turned his head, following the heartbeat and Derek was there, on a couch and fast asleep.

Peter took his time to take him in, commit everything to memory, because he didn’t know when he would get a chance to do this again. Something must have changed in his heartbeat or his breathing, because suddenly Derek startled awake.

“You’re up,” he breathed once his eyes found Peter’s and Peter turned away from him.

“You’re not real,” Peter croaked out, determined to not be fooled by the fact that he could smell and hear Derek.

It was just another hallucination, more elaborate than before, but nonetheless not real.

Derek was gone, and Peter was getting sick of living through the pain of reminding himself of that over and over again.

“I’m real, Peter,” Derek promised but Peter shook his head.

“You were dying, and I turned my back on you. This is my punishment. You died.”

“But apparently you’re not the only one who can cheat death and come back,” Derek softly said and held out his hand.

Peter stared at it for a long moment, debating the best course of action here. If he reached for the hand, and couldn’t make contact, it would hurt, god how it would hurt, but then he’d have certainty.

He couldn’t quite bring himself to do it though.

“The bond is wrong,” he said, still eyeing the hand, but not missing the clear sign of pain on Derek’s face.

“It’s different,” he weakly said, badly hiding how his voice shook. “It’s different, like I am. Not wrong.”

“Different,” Peter repeated and almost laughed in his face again. Such a convenient explanation.

Derek flashed his eyes at him, blue like Peter’s himself, not golden anymore. “I came back different. I can do the full shift now,” Derek explained and Peter wished he didn’t.

It gave him hope, made him _want_ to believe that this was real, when it wasn’t. When it couldn’t be.

“Trust me, Peter,” Derek whispered, when Peter made no move to reach out.

And Peter wished he could resist, could tell him no, but it was Derek, who he had loved almost from the moment the boy had opened his eyes, and Peter had never been able to tell him no.

So he finally reached out, hand shaking and fully prepared to go right through Derek’s hand, so he startled badly when he made contact.

Derek’s hand was warm underneath his, skin smooth, and Derek wrapped his fingers around Peter’s holding on and not letting go.

“I’m real,” he told him, and Peter started to believe that this could be true.

“Okay,” Peter said but couldn’t bring himself to let go of Derek.

Derek didn’t make him, and instead sat on the bed, keeping a tight hold on Peter’s hand and they sat in silence for a little while. After a long moment Derek hesitantly spoke.

“What did they do to you, Peter? Stiles said they overdosed you on wolfsbane.”

“They didn’t do that,” Peter said. “I tried to kill myself,” he bluntly told Derek who tightened the grip on his hand in response.

“Why would you… You survived the fire, and six years of coma, you _came back from the dead_ but being imprisoned in Eichen for three weeks drives you to suicide?” Derek asked, voice shaking and thin.

“Well, you never died before, did you?” Peter gave back and Derek seemed taken aback by that.

Derek swallowed a few times before he haltingly asked: “You can feel it then, the bond?”

“Of course I can feel it, we just talked about it, didn’t we?” Peter almost snapped back.

“You can feel it,” Derek repeated and stared off into nothing before he focused on Peter again. “Do you…know it’s a mating bond?” Derek asked and Peter scoffed.

“I’ve known what it was the moment you opened your eyes, Derek.”

At that Derek abruptly got up and started to pace. Peter’s hand itched, wanting the contact back, needing it still to remind himself that this was real, and Derek hadn’t died, but Derek was dragging his hands down his face, wringing them in front of him and Peter sat up.

“What’s going on?” he cautiously asked and Derek immediately came back to his side, carefully touching his shoulder, dragging his hand down Peter’s arm.

“She said you couldn’t feel the bond,” he explained and sat down next to Peter, shoulders and thighs brushing against each other. “She said you’d never feel the same, that you couldn’t.”

Peter didn’t even need to ask for clarification, and he could feel the old rage well up inside of him. “Talia,” he spit out. “She knew the moment she brought you home that you were mine, and she told me she wouldn’t allow it, that she would never let this happen.”

“You never said anything,” Derek muttered and Peter sighed.

“I didn’t want to push you. I thought if you felt it too you would come to me when you were ready.”

“And instead I went to her. I remember that,” Derek quietly explained. “I was four. I went to her and asked when you’d be mine. She was…she pretended to be sympathetic. She pulled me onto her lap and cuddled me close before she told me that she didn’t think you’d ever be. That she didn’t think you would ever feel like that about me.” Derek let out a stuttering breath before he went on. “I should have come to you.”

“I should have pushed for more,” Peter gave back and pulled Derek closer, unwilling to be parted. “I should have talked to you.”

 “Is that why you never dated?” Derek asked and Peter huffed out a laugh.

“You know about mates, so don’t be stupid now. You’re it for me.”

“And when you thought I died….”

“I might have lost it,” Peter admitted. “I felt the bond snap and when I woke up in Eichen it was back, but it felt different, and I didn’t know what happened. I thought I was hallucinating. That they did something, that it was some form of torture.”

“It’s real,” Derek said and took Peter’s hand again. “It’s real, I’m right here. And I won’t let you go,” he said and slumped into Peter’s side.

“Neither will I,” Peter gave back and buried his nose in Derek’s hair, peppering his scalp with kisses and breathing in his scent.

They stayed like that for a long time before Derek dragged them up the bed and arranged Peter to his liking. Peter ended up on his back, Derek curled into his side, head resting on his shoulder and Peter immediately pressed a kiss to Derek’s forehead.

“You’re gonna do that a lot, huh?” Derek asked, but he sounded content instead of annoyed.

“I thought you died,” was all Peter said, and Derek squeezed him tight with the arm thrown across Peter’s chest.

“I came back,” Derek mumbled into Peter’s collarbone and Peter had to close his eyes at that.

He would need some time to comprehend that Derek had died and come back, and he would need his mate close until the fear of losing him again would abate.

But since it didn’t seem like Derek was against staying close, Peter was sure it wouldn’t be a problem. They both had to make up for a lot of lost time.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [You're Mine](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14088606) by [syriala](https://archiveofourown.org/users/syriala/pseuds/syriala)




End file.
